That Guy in The Army EP 1

Dear Diary...

Lets fast forward to all the fun parts with regards to my army experience! Lets forget about what equipment I received during my army stint, the uncomfortable ice breaking amongst strangers from all parts of the island and of course, the 'too-much-information-regarding-what-I-did-in-the army-till-my-girlfriend-nearly-falls-asleep-on-our-date-and-is-on-the-verge-of-dumping-me-and-associating-me-with-all-the-men-that-have-transformed-into-a-dull-dumbdud ' journey.

Lets talk about the people in my platoon; and the kind of trouble or nonsense they subject themselves to.

But lets set the background first...

I am no ordinary soldier. I am a special soldier.

Well, thats what the army medically classifies me as. So. I am special because I need special attention, in terms of training, and not because I was born perfect like a Spartan. I am considered the infirmed, the sick or the beancurd. In short, the PES C recruit.

According to the army I can't do much really. No strenuous activity (Yeah!), no real emphasis on my physicality (Yeah!) and no real physical punishment (Yeah!). Sounds real good already.

So you might think that I might have a missing limb or a missing organ or Ebola or something physically or biologically damaging or destructive. But no. I am perfectly fine. Its just my eyes. And no, the colour of my eyes aren't black. Its just that my lenses are rather...used. Therefore, I need my 'really thick' glasses. Other than that I am fine. I can stand. I can march. I can jump. I can run. I can squat. I can carry heavy things. I can carry light things. I can carry dangerous things. I can even be exposed to sunlight; and other substances, filthy or not. See... I AM FINE.

So how did I end up being in such a medical classification. That's because on a rainy and cold day, I, without really giving much thought about the medical screening and in the state of 'blurness', told the medical officer that I wanted to be in such a classification. Well, its not my fault really because he asked me if I wanted to be downgraded in a manner of asking whether a sugar-hungry child wanted candy. 'Can I give you PES C?' said the officer. 'Sure!' I answered. But heck! I didn't know what I agreed to after he squirted some medical concoction into my eyes that fogged it for almost 2 hours! And yes, I went home with a cloudy vision and I had to flag every damn bus that comes along, hoping that it's the correct one.

But I was lucky that I was classified as PES Crazy and not PES Creepy. Ohh yes....the latter is much worse of than those of my type. The latter looks and behaves like they are part of the Nightmare Before Christmas cast. And trust me, they don't need any costumes or professional acting classes to play the part. It's Halloween all year round for them! For now, lets not focus on them.

So, as you can see, that's the reason why, for my case, the people I was with and what they did, will be in the limelight of my journey. Other than that, I really love my girlfriend and friends...yeah...really...because I really wouldn't want to bore them to death or drive them away.

Yours
TGITA

ANNOUNCEMENT: IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG...

Ladies and fellow men,

I have returned and I have survived. I have managed to tolerate stupidity and ridicule. I have prevented myself from being infected by the inane and mundane. I have gathered strength - physical,mental and spiritual. I have gathered both moral and real knowledge. And of course, I have gathered tales. Tales no man dare not to laugh. Tales that are currently undergoing construction due to confidential reasons.

So, hang in there.

But here are excerpts from literary texts that more or less describes what tales I am about to spin with regards to my journey. It aptly summarizes myself, the environment and the others:

'...He is not easy to describe. There is something wrong with his appearance; something displeasing, something downright detestable. I never saw a man I so disliked, and yet I scarce know why. He must be deformed somewhere; he gives a strong feeling of deformity, although I couldn't specify the point. He's an extraordinary-looking man, and yet I really can name nothing out of the way. No, Sir; I can make no hand of it; I can't describe him. And it's not want of memory; for I declare I can see him this moment...'

-said Mr Enfield to Mr Utterson when the latter asked the former to describe Mr Hyde in the book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (1886)

'...Land in a swamp, march through the woods, and in some land post feel the savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him - all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no initiation either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abomination - you know, imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate...'

-said Marlow on how a change in the environment can show Man's true colours in the book Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (1902)

Thus, I have come back a weathered man. A moulded man. A loving man. A funny man.

And as they say:

Immerse your soul in love

- from the song Street Spirit [Fade Out] by Radiohead from the album The Bends

Let the show begin....soon.

13 September 2007