kid you not

TGITA Ep 3...

2007-12-06T09:20:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary...

Ah...my first army excursion with the platoon to the woods. An excursion filled with exciting sights, sounds, dirt and stupidity. Well...come to think of it, it was not so much of sights and sounds because all you could see was green and brown (including your mates) and "Kroo! Kroo! Kroo!". So it was all dirt and stupidity.

Our objective: learn how not to die early, when going to war, in the woods of Singapore.

Method of achieving objective: Use leaves and other natural stuff so that the so called 'enemy' would not be able to see you that easily.

Hmm...sounds easy enough. But it's always easier said than done.

After listening to a lecture filled with grammatical errors and limited vocabulary, sitting on damp grass and playing with the grasshoppers, our soaked bums finally got a rest from taking in all that water through their cheeks. However, such a relief was short lived.

"OK GENTLEMEN! GET READY TO GO INTO THE WOODS! WHILE WE WAIT FOR THE SUN TO SET, TOUCH UP ON THAT CAMOUFLAGE OF YOURS! SOME OF YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A P*$%* ON YOUR FACE! ALL PINK AND STUFF!"

Ok...that wasn't necessary.

"AND SOME INSECT REPELLANT TOO! UNLESS YOU WANT THE MOSQUITOES TO GET FAT AND HAPPY!"

Right. So we went about our business until..."AH!!!!!!!! SARJEN (Actual spelling is sergeant)! LIONEL (Not his real name. Even if it was, you wouldn't know.) IS PUTTING INSECT REPELLANT IN HIS EYES!" And the sergeant said "HUH?!" and dashed towards him like a kindergarden teacher to a boy who just swallowed his bottle of art glue. "SIAO BOH!" "HAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!" "CONFIRM BLIND ONE LIKE BIRD!" said the rest. "YOU CRAZY OR WHAT?! AND WHY YOUR FACE ALL BLACK?! GREEN FIRST LAH A**, THEN BLACK!" scolded the sergeant.

Oh yeah, before I go on further, the reason why all the speech bubbles are in capital letters is because everyone's shouting.

"OUCH!" I screamed. "STOP LAH!" "WHAT'S GOING ON NOW?! OI!" said sergeant. " HE'S POKING MY BUTT WITH THE BARREL OF HIS RIFLE AND HEADBUTTING IT AS WELL SARJEN!" I said. "OI! STOP IT! STOP IT! BEFORE YOU SLEEP OVER THIS WEEKEND! NOW SHUT UP! SHUT UP! THE SUN IS SETTING!" So, we paid our respects to the setting sun, or according to the army, practice our night discipline, and kept quiet. So far, it was already night but we were not disciplined.

"SHHHH!" as we went into the woods. "shut up lah...." "Eeee, but got shit..." "WHERE?! WHERE?!" "i said shut up right..." "how you know it's shit...not smelly what..." "but it's different in colour from the mud..." " oi! i said shut up right..." "SHHHH!!!!!"

A few minutes later..."Eeee...got centipede! Got centipede!" "WHERE?! WHERE?!" "eh! you all ah...where's your night discipline...?! Better shut up before you get it from me back at the company line you understand...! Centipede never disturb you what...! You get scared for what...?!"

After that fiasco, it was time to go back. "you, you, you and you...take out your torchlights. put it on your helmets." "eh! don't shine the lights at my eyes leh...
!" "where sia my torchlight...?!" "point the torchlight forward lah...point upwards for what...?! Want to see bird ah...?!" "hehehehehehehe..." "oi...! put torchlight also want to make noise...! it's still dark you know...!" "SHHHH!!!!" "so much noise lah...! Go back confirm kena one...!"

And guess what? We were in trouble because we slept quite late that night. And we slept with aching muscles- not from the excursion but from doing all those push-ups that followed.

Yours truly
TGITA

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 16...

2007-11-28T10:44:00.000+08:00

It's not that easy
It's not that easy
To stay where you are
And not look over the cliff

It's not that easy
It's not that easy
To stay by the shore
And not sail towards the sunset

A moderate beauty
A moderate beauty
They charm me
You charm me

A moderate beauty
A moderate beauty
They charm me
You charm me

It's not that easy
It's not that easy
To seek shelter
From a child-attractive rain

It's not that easy
It's not that easy
To not walk across the pastures
With the 'No' sign nailed on

A moderate beauty
A moderate beauty
They charm me
You charm me

A moderate beauty
A moderate beauty
They charm me
You charm me

A little touch of this
A little touch of that
And it's fine
Just fine
It's fine
Just fine
Cause you charm me
Cause you charm me

This is why we should clean up the rivers!

2007-11-27T08:52:00.000+08:00

Heheh...but seriously, we should.

Van Damme & Steven Segal are what?! Again?!

2007-11-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

Giggle away humour junkies!

There There

2007-11-26T14:27:00.000+08:00

Another cool music video...very Tim Burton.

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 15...

2007-11-26T13:30:00.000+08:00

Bright ideas couldn't come across
My stoned little mind
Because the filament snapped
It simply snapped

Bright ideas couldn't come across
My boxed up mind
Because the switch flipped down
The fuse tripped now

Bright ideas couldn't come across
My current state of mind
Because this isn't my moment
My magical Mentos moment

And so the world floats by
Because I can't walk by
Undetected
Undetected

And so the world floats by
Because I can't walk by
Undetected
Undetected

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 14...

2007-11-26T12:46:00.000+08:00

I am that fool you sent on a journey
Across parallel realms
Meeting gypsy ladies

I am that fool you sent on a journey
Taking magical pictures
And riding unicorns

With a bolt of lightning
I shall be king
I shall be king

I am that fool you sent on a journey
To find something precious
Somewhere somehow

I am that fool you sent on a journey
Returning unannounced
And to denounce

With a bolt of lightning
I shall be king
I shall be king

For I am the king that married a star
For I am the king that married a star

Sometimes when we try to work hard and find a decent job...

2007-11-23T11:29:00.000+08:00

we wonder whether it is all worth the while to work for those we often come across...

It wouldn't be weird here...

2007-11-23T11:05:00.000+08:00

Because it happens all the time in Singapore.

A Punchup at a Wedding

2007-11-22T11:23:00.000+08:00

For objectors of forbidden love...

Get to the Choppah!

2007-11-22T11:16:00.001+08:00

Another hilarious parody!

Thoughts from A Little Monster in Head Ep 13...

2007-11-22T09:27:00.000+08:00

Bells ring to announce
That dinner's served
I want out
I want out

Like a pack of wolves
They surround me
I want out
I want out

This is my token of appreciation
80 percent error
Caused by humans
Caused by humans

Spare my head on your wall
As a trophy
I want out
I want out

Dissect my anatomy
Pump out my stomach
I want out
I want out

This is my token of appreciation
80 percent error
Caused by humans
Caused by humans

Thoughts from a Little Monster in My Head Ep 12...

2007-11-16T11:24:00.000+08:00

Little origami swans
Scented ink
Purple dawn
Floating against the river

Pink on grey
Pink on grey
Would you think of me today?

Pink on grey
Pink on grey
I'd like to dream of you today.

Human waves
High as the sky
Suck us in
Suck us dry

Pink on grey
Pink on grey
Let us run,run,run

Pink on grey
Pink on grey
Before they come,come,come

For as long as I can remember
For as long as I can remember
I will remember
I will remember

Pink on grey
Pink on grey
Would you think of me today?

Thoughts from a Little Monster in My Head Ep 11...

2007-11-16T11:06:00.000+08:00

This
This is
A diamond poem
A diamond
Poem

Sparkling
Shining jewel
Round and round
Wrapped around
Here

This
This is
A diamond poem
A valued
Poem

This one's for Disney!

2007-11-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

Oh man...The Drama Club's version would be somewhere close to this.

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 10...

2007-11-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

Ring me up
Put down your phone
Insomnia lingers
Sleep dreams to come home

Tasty peanuts
In empty shells
Clean this up
With disposables

I like the way you whisper
I like the way you whisper

You're not any closer
I am nowhere near

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 9...

2007-11-09T12:43:00.000+08:00

Tin cans and plastic bags
Bent nails and old rags
The fumes come out
The fumes come out

Paper trails and styrofoam
Falling trees and drowning homes
The fumes come out
The fumes come out

Stampede(Let the birds lead the way)
Stampede(Let the birds find the way)
Stampede(Let the birds show the way)

Let's wait and see
Let's wait and see
If it affects you
If it affects me

When the light's out for good
When the light's out for good

Let's wait and see
Let's wait and see
If it affects you
If it affects me

Dedicated to all Hip Hop Fans....HAHAHAHAHAHA!

2007-11-09T11:26:00.000+08:00

You have to watch this! Hip Hop suddenly turns emo!

I Might Be Wrong...

2007-11-09T11:07:00.000+08:00

Sorry. Im just an ardent fan. Love this song. Love this video. I know. I'm obsessed. Sorry.

Elmo...Like You Have NEVER Seen Him Before!

2007-11-07T15:13:00.000+08:00

This is so...hilarious and so Macdonald's Generation!
Dedicated to all adults who think that teenagers are attention-grabbers and full of themselves...

U2 and Radiohead Video

2007-11-07T09:46:00.000+08:00

Amazing Songs.
Amazing Performances.
Amazing Bands.

10mins long. So hang in there. It's worth the wait.

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 8 ....

2007-11-07T08:39:00.000+08:00

Mimic me a world
Of seahorses and rusty divers
Of paper plants and plastic reefs
Of rainbow sand and brown stones

Outline my safety
With a glass sphere
Approachable mates
A steady supply of oxygen

A picturesque world does exist
Beyond my circumference
Vast seas and real shoals
Sharp teeth and ugly trolls

But I will never know
I guess I shouldn't know

Flush me down the toilet bowl
Right down the toilet bowl
Right down the toilet bowl

MQFW

2007-11-07T08:31:00.000+08:00

Because we separate...
It ripples our reflections...
(In rainbows)

Because we separate...
It ripples our reflections...
(In rainbows)

- from the song Reckoner by Radiohead from the album In Rainbows

Art of the Month: Such a Pretty House by Stanley Donwood

2007-11-05T14:05:00.001+08:00

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 7...

2007-11-05T11:14:00.000+08:00

A penny for a thought,
That's what I thought.
Instead, I became broke.
Instead, I became spent.
Instead, I became stuck.

Think on your feet,
That's what I thought.
Instead, my feet stood still.
Instead, I didn't move.
Instead, I stayed.

If only what I thought was wrong,
Then it would easily be right.
If only everything was clearer,
Then there wouldn't be any hesitation.
If only 'if only' happens,
Then there will be no regrets.

MQFW

2007-11-05T11:12:00.000+08:00

You are my centre
When I spin away...
Out of control...
On videotape
On videotape

- from the song Videotape by Radiohead in the album In Rainbows

Thoughts from a Little Monster in my Head Ep 6...

2007-11-01T12:52:00.000+08:00

It's not final till it's in black and white...
said Grey sadly...

TGITA Ep 2...

2007-10-24T11:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary...

The people I'm with were...unique. They had their own idiosyncrasies. Some of them could be called nerds while others were just plain scary or irritating.

Some examples include those who labeled their belongings excessively. And I mean excessively. They labeled their shoes - both sides, they labeled their toothbrush, they labeled their shaver, they labeled their ziplock bags that held these items and yes, they labeled the bag that stored the labels. Talk about ownership.

Some bathed with their underwear on - afraid of others seeing their twig and berries. While others washed their dirty laundry without wearing anything. So, as they manually washed their dirty laundry, their bells were jingling away to the tunes of Christmas.

And there were those who can't help but be the rash under everyone's armpits - downright irritating. Talk about practising good hygiene habits! They powdered their boots EVERY SINGLE time they wore it, they powdered their underwear before they wore it AND after, and they powdered their slippers. Oh yes, these few also genuinely believed that the prickly heat they were using during their powdering rituals would repel poisonous snakes. Why and how? Grab a can of prickly heat and go figure. Hint: It is in the trademark.

Sleeping habits also varied amongst individuals. Some of them snored while others coughed incessantly. Some of them slept on the bedsheets while others ended up sleeping between the bed and the sheets. Some woke up on time while others woke up in time. Orders that were as clear as daylight blew by like the carefree wind: " Ok gentlemen, tomorrow reveille at 5.00 a.m. Breakfast at 5.15 a.m". Instead, to them it sounds like this: "Ok gentlemen, tomorrow wake up anytime you like before 5.15 a.m and then we can take our own time to eat. Ok?" Anyway, who eats at an ungodly hour like that! If it provides us with the energy for our morning training, I highly doubt so because what went in through our mouths came right back out at the other end in a matter of minutes.

Well, to you, this may seem like ranting. But these horrible habits of theirs will soon take a toll on me and even affect our training. And if the latter happens, I would be held responsible. Why? Because I was to become their platoon IC . And I was to take up that role for a VERY long time....

Yours truly
TGITA

MQFW

2007-10-24T11:01:00.000+08:00

This is dedicated to all teachers, especially to some of them I know and one of them I really know - I feel you and I know it's at the tip of your tongue but you can't say it so I'll say it for you: 'Fuck middle management!'

...Dead from the neck up
I guess I'm stuffed, stuffed, stuffed
We thought you had it in you
But no, no, no
Exactly where do you get off
Is enough, is enough
I love you but enough is enough, enough
A last stop
There's no real reason

You've got a head full of feathers
You got melted to butter

- from the song Faust Arp by Radiohead from the album In Rainbows.

MQFW

2007-10-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

I am the next act
waiting in the wings...

I am all the days
that you choose to ignore...

I am a moth
who just wants to share your light....

I only stick with you
because there are no others...

- from the song All I Need by Radiohead from the album In Rainbows

Told You They Were One of the Best and the Most Important...

2007-10-12T11:14:00.000+08:00

Check out these articles and links. Their comeback and method demand worldwide attention whether they like it or not.

http://www.greenplastic.com/

In Rainbows...

2007-10-11T10:19:00.000+08:00

I've downloaded the album yesterday. Yes, the album in which I paid 95 pence for it. I am quite ashamed of myself. But it was an honest mistake. Honest! Because I thought I was paying for a single track - under the impression of the website's store interface. However I am redeeming myself by purchasing their discbox next month.

My sincere apologies....to the band.

Apologies aside, the album completely rocks! An outstanding album in months! Sleek, smooth, weird yet catchy, relaxing and entirely original, this album is going to be on my playlist for months to come.

Oh yeah, TGITA will return soon enough. Sorry for the lack of humour and laughter on this blog. Been tired and busy. Then my attention was abruptly directed to the band.

Allow me to express myself...

2007-10-03T12:17:00.000+08:00

AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Radiohead is finally coming out with a new record since 2003!

It's called In_Rainbow. Release date is 10th October 2007. Discbox shipment will commence on or before 3rd December 2007.

Currently, it's only available on their website and at the moment I can't wait for my pay day so that I can splurge on their music goodies!

And I think that's the only way their music will be made available.

Downloads come at fee in which the customer decides (SO COOL BUT DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE LAH!) and the discbox is priced at 40 British pounds including shipment charges. They ship globally.

The link to their website is at the bottom of this page on the left.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOME REAL MUSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YESSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)

That Guy in The Army EP 1

2007-09-21T12:58:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary...

Lets fast forward to all the fun parts with regards to my army experience! Lets forget about what equipment I received during my army stint, the uncomfortable ice breaking amongst strangers from all parts of the island and of course, the 'too-much-information-regarding-what-I-did-in-the army-till-my-girlfriend-nearly-falls-asleep-on-our-date-and-is-on-the-verge-of-dumping-me-and-associating-me-with-all-the-men-that-have-transformed-into-a-dull-dumbdud ' journey.

Lets talk about the people in my platoon; and the kind of trouble or nonsense they subject themselves to.

But lets set the background first...

I am no ordinary soldier. I am a special soldier.

Well, thats what the army medically classifies me as. So. I am special because I need special attention, in terms of training, and not because I was born perfect like a Spartan. I am considered the infirmed, the sick or the beancurd. In short, the PES C recruit.

According to the army I can't do much really. No strenuous activity (Yeah!), no real emphasis on my physicality (Yeah!) and no real physical punishment (Yeah!). Sounds real good already.

So you might think that I might have a missing limb or a missing organ or Ebola or something physically or biologically damaging or destructive. But no. I am perfectly fine. Its just my eyes. And no, the colour of my eyes aren't black. Its just that my lenses are rather...used. Therefore, I need my 'really thick' glasses. Other than that I am fine. I can stand. I can march. I can jump. I can run. I can squat. I can carry heavy things. I can carry light things. I can carry dangerous things. I can even be exposed to sunlight; and other substances, filthy or not. See... I AM FINE.

So how did I end up being in such a medical classification. That's because on a rainy and cold day, I, without really giving much thought about the medical screening and in the state of 'blurness', told the medical officer that I wanted to be in such a classification. Well, its not my fault really because he asked me if I wanted to be downgraded in a manner of asking whether a sugar-hungry child wanted candy. 'Can I give you PES C?' said the officer. 'Sure!' I answered. But heck! I didn't know what I agreed to after he squirted some medical concoction into my eyes that fogged it for almost 2 hours! And yes, I went home with a cloudy vision and I had to flag every damn bus that comes along, hoping that it's the correct one.

But I was lucky that I was classified as PES Crazy and not PES Creepy. Ohh yes....the latter is much worse of than those of my type. The latter looks and behaves like they are part of the Nightmare Before Christmas cast. And trust me, they don't need any costumes or professional acting classes to play the part. It's Halloween all year round for them! For now, lets not focus on them.

So, as you can see, that's the reason why, for my case, the people I was with and what they did, will be in the limelight of my journey. Other than that, I really love my girlfriend and friends...yeah...really...because I really wouldn't want to bore them to death or drive them away.

Yours
TGITA

ANNOUNCEMENT: IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG...

2007-09-13T16:20:00.000+08:00

Ladies and fellow men,

I have returned and I have survived. I have managed to tolerate stupidity and ridicule. I have prevented myself from being infected by the inane and mundane. I have gathered strength - physical,mental and spiritual. I have gathered both moral and real knowledge. And of course, I have gathered tales. Tales no man dare not to laugh. Tales that are currently undergoing construction due to confidential reasons.

So, hang in there.

But here are excerpts from literary texts that more or less describes what tales I am about to spin with regards to my journey. It aptly summarizes myself, the environment and the others:

'...He is not easy to describe. There is something wrong with his appearance; something displeasing, something downright detestable. I never saw a man I so disliked, and yet I scarce know why. He must be deformed somewhere; he gives a strong feeling of deformity, although I couldn't specify the point. He's an extraordinary-looking man, and yet I really can name nothing out of the way. No, Sir; I can make no hand of it; I can't describe him. And it's not want of memory; for I declare I can see him this moment...'

-said Mr Enfield to Mr Utterson when the latter asked the former to describe Mr Hyde in the book Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (1886)

'...Land in a swamp, march through the woods, and in some land post feel the savagery, the utter savagery, had closed round him - all that mysterious life of the wilderness that stirs in the forest, in the jungles, in the hearts of wild men. There's no initiation either into such mysteries. He has to live in the midst of the incomprehensible, which is also detestable. And it has a fascination, too, that goes to work upon him. The fascination of the abomination - you know, imagine the growing regrets, the longing to escape, the powerless disgust, the surrender, the hate...'

-said Marlow on how a change in the environment can show Man's true colours in the book Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad (1902)

Thus, I have come back a weathered man. A moulded man. A loving man. A funny man.

And as they say:

Immerse your soul in love

- from the song Street Spirit [Fade Out] by Radiohead from the album The Bends

Let the show begin....soon.

13 September 2007

MQFW

2007-07-23T21:43:00.000+08:00

Just the mere sight of him feels me with absolute nausea...

- said Autobot Farah, a Friend of A Decepticon

MQFW

2007-07-23T21:25:00.000+08:00

...And no funny tricks hotshot! Do NOT attempt to grow a brain!

- said Dennis Hopper to Keanu Reeves in the movie Speed

Green Idea 1...

2007-07-12T16:07:00.000+08:00

Use a water bottle.

If you don't have one, invest in one.

Reduce plastic disposal.

Recycle any plastic containers that is no longer of use.

Save the earth.

Thoughts from a little Monster in my Head Ep 5...

2007-07-05T15:17:00.000+08:00

And so he talks again.
But you know he is shouting.
From the inside of course.
He is unhappy.
Not very happy.
He talks and talks and talks.
About things that can never change.
Till his voice slowly.......dis....app..ears....
It's gone.
His tonsils starts to rust.
It crumbles.
He swallows the dust that was his tonsils.
His tongue became stiff.
It turns blue.
Then green.
As he tries touching it, hoping for some sensation,
It snaps.
Like a toothpick.
And the chunk of meat was cleanly snapped.
His lips felt tight.
It sealed itself shut.
It sewed itself shut.
It's completely shut.
Then his face cracked.
By now, he was afraid.
So he stopped talking.
Promised never to voice out any unnecessary concerns or angst.
Anyway, he could no longer do so.

ANNOUNCEMENT...

2007-07-03T16:27:00.000+08:00

'The Story of Mr Donny Dill' postphoned to 6 July 2007.

Excavation Site at the Record Store closed temporarily due to heavy rainfall.

'That Guy in the Army' debut episode and season pushed back to a much later date. No dates were given or confirmed.

Rumours of the 'record guy' getting married late next year in 2008.

MQFW

2007-07-03T16:23:00.001+08:00

You had to piss on our parade
You had to shred our big day
You had to ruin it for all concerned
In a drunken punchup at a wedding.

- taken from the song A Punchup At A Wedding from the album Hail to the Thief by Radiohead

the guy that works at the record store...episode 10 (Last Episode and Final Season)

2007-07-03T15:00:00.001+08:00

As he woke up....he felt rather excited to go to work. But little did he know, that such excitement was not shared by his peers. He was excited because this was his last day at the record store - working at least. But his peers did not bother about that fact, let alone want to know the reason why. He was excited because he thought he would receive a farewell gift. But such expectations were too unrealistic. So, instead, he was excited about receiving a decent goodbye. A word of mouth. But he did not receive it. He received nothing.

On that particular day, his name did not even appear on the work schedule. He was confused. Checked. But did not get an accurate answer. He wanted to turn back and leave. Head for the comforts of home. But he felt compelled to stay. To indulge himself in music. To get to know new releases. To get lost in between the sound waves of loneliness. To have this first hand experience one last time. So, he decided to work, knowing really well how the day at work will go by, knowing how the day at work will end and knowing that his peers will not really take notice. After all, he is an asset. An expandable asset. An asset that has been expanded, he suspected, as he encountered new faces.

He stared at the new faces. They stared back and gave a polite smile. He smiled back. They were much more friendly than the faces he had already knew since last year. He puts on his dusty t-shirt. Swiped in. And went through the heavy door that separates peace and chaos. Once again, he was thrown into a world filled with fickle mindedness, filled with stubborn and headstrong people, filled with people who made him miserable and filled with people who blamed him if they could not or did not get what they want. Once again, he was just there.

And so he took up his position behind the counter. He began his day like any other day. Like the rest of his patriotic peers...

Customer: 101011110101010 11010111010101110 1101001

Record Guy: jfgksbvlhvepvihje;,nv;,jeovjk;vnfvn

Customer: 1101000101110 110111?

Record Guy: hbvchkdf-----djbsjkbcmndc++++=2433jbckdjccdj

Customer: Really?

Record Guy: That's right.

Customer: 1011110 1101011101010100111 011101011110 11101011

Record Guy: gdftfldfjkvvmdvovdldc,dol;ddl ljsdkfdndkcnd1021254dsjbsdlssvljkvvd.

Customer: 1110111 1110110000101111 0111011!!!!!!

Record Guy: fadkngisbfsklj 1010140101014254114050214251 ******** jabaljdj

Customer: Never mind.

Record Guy: I'm sorry and good luck.

The day was filled with bleeps and bloops. With twangs and tooks. Click and clangs. And swish and swoops. He was just there...

Customer: 1010001110101110101000110101 0100101011110101010

Record Guy: sgdsbdksfffj sldjsnuiioeopenfkj

Customer: 101110101 1000 HMV?

Record Guy: HMV gbfdfdfnm,kjdsjdsdjfdkdmcl

Customer: 11011 0111? 11101110 110000111100111011?!

Record Guy: I don't think so.

Customer: 1101000 000101 1110101010111 111101010000 10011001

Record Guy: fabvdsjdhsklcghccusnksscmi sksjdocmscgcls jsdsndo

Customer: I don't believe you.

Record Guy: It's OK.

He was exhausted. Suddenly, he realised something. He realised that the record store had already given him a gift. Even though a price was tagged to it, he had considerable discounts when purchasing them. This gift was priceless to him and he would not mind paying a bomb after discovering something he truly believed in. The record store constantly supplied him with the gift. The record store provided him with the advantageous link for his fix. The gift spoke to him in every way. The gift was in the form of music. And it was in the form of a band...And it kept him company there. Supplying him oxygen and patience...And then everything there made sense....

Customer: 10101110101011 0100101110 101001001 010101 Radiohead?

Record Guy: gjakbckjbccdm nk nljdjbdcn kdnckdjkmdkml Radiohead are my idols!

Customer: 1010011110111 010100101110 110101 Are they good?

Record Guy: sgvdskdbksh They are the best! You should try it!

Customer: Let me have a listen to it.

Record Guy: Sure!

Customer:......................................................I'll take it.

Record Guy: Excellent!

So the time passed. And his shift was nearing the end....until...

Customer: Excuse me. Do you sell the record store's t-shirt?

Record Guy: I'm sorry?

Customer: I mean the t-shirt you are wearing. Do you sell it? I want to buy it.

Record Guy: 101101010101100 100101010111 0101010 shdbakbskcbsccbckbcyuepjnxhzgh 101110 110101011011001 ahagjsbcccsjusn

Customer: Thank you.

And then it was over. Just like that. He is never going to work there again. He turned the key to his locker and locked it....he left some messages and then he was gone....

Record Guy: Yeah, like I was ever there in the first place.

-THE END-

Thoughts from a little Monster in my Head Ep 4...

2007-06-25T13:53:00.000+08:00

'If I need it,
I need to buy it.'
And so goes the only principle that Rappoo repeats to himself.

'If I don't pay,
I will not get what I need.'
He said knowing the consequences of non-payment, incurring debts and poverty.

'But it's not my fault,
I don't have anything to pay them with.'
He said angrily. Frustrated and angst-ridden.

'I don't have much of what they want,
And what they want is what I need too.'
He logically blamed. For the way the world worked. For the way the world lived.

'I can't do anything about it.
My tears will not decrease the amount. My screams will not increase their understanding.'
He spoke. Wisely. Trying to calm himself down. Surprisingly, he could be at this stage faster than before.

'Yes. If I need it,
I must buy it.'
Like an epiphany, Rappoo had just created for himself a new principle. A new way of life. A new perspective.

'Or else, if I don't,
They will never let me have what I need.'
And with that new principle, came a clearer consequence. A bottom-line much more straightforward. An effect that Rappoo must understand no matter what.

MQFW

2007-06-25T13:37:00.000+08:00

A heart that's
Filled up like a landfill,
A job that slowly kills you,
Bruises that won't heal.
You look so tired and happy,
Bring down the government,
They don't,
They don't speak for us.
I'll take a quiet life,
A handshake of carbon monoxide.
And no alarms and no surprises
No alarms and no surprises
Silent.
Silent.

- taken from the song No Surprises from the album OK Computer by Radiohead

Yet Another Article from The RJ Occasional!

2007-06-20T16:51:00.000+08:00

MINI SERIES GETS A SLAMMING

Reported by - Riconstin Jaksten

Less than a week after M.R Production, a subsidiary and entertainment arm of kid you not Pte Ltd, offered a public apology to the fans of the comedy cult series 'The Guy that Works at the Record Store', the said subsidiary received yet another round of public outrage. But this time, those cries are not from ardent fans of the abovementioned cult series. Instead, these cries come from concerned members of the public demanding a ban in the subsidiary's latest mini-series, 'Thoughts From A Little Monster in My Head'.

The said mini-series spans approximately 5 minutes per episode and it is usually broadcasted, on Creative Central, in between a television programme that has just ended and another programme that is about to begin. Furthermore, these mini-series are broadcasted during times when '...children are still awake...', complained Mdm Riyu Joy, a full-time housewife taking care of 3 children aged 4, 6 and 9. ' I didn't like the mini-series. It's so graphic and disturbing. Even though I can roughly understand each episode's plot or bottom line and the children can't, the images and sounds accompanying each episode is enough to give the children nightmares!' she commented further.

The mini-series is indeed morbid and dark- from the short story lines to the images and music portraying them. When I asked Mr Riyt Juty, director and producer of the said mini-series, he casually and unapologetically explains, ' The team of writers and poets that work on this mini-series are highly sensitive people. Sensitive to their environments. Sensitive to events occurring. Sensitive about their work. But their intentions are not malicious or destructive. They believe in art as a medium of expressing life's truths. And that's what we are doing and that's what we are trying to achieve.'

But what about the images? The sounds even? When I asked this question, Mr Riyt immediately shoots back an answer or rather answering through a question, ' What good would art be if it were to deliberately hide things? If the truth is obvious, art should also be frank about it. The expression might be abstract or confusing but the bottom line can always be seen and/or heard. And, in our mini-series, such truths are frank, seen and heard.' After that, I grew scared and tried to back down.

In addition, I also decided to approach M.R Production, their sponsor and mastermind. Mr Rico Josty, spokesperson for the subsidiary said that '...they receive numerous complaints from members of the public...' and that '...kid you Pte Ltd told us to handle the case with care and remedy the matter as soon as possible...'. 'The company and us are working closely to tone down the negative impact of the mini-series. We are also approaching the team of writers and poets as well as the director and producer of the mini-series so that they could understand our position and probably alter their work.' continued Mr Rico.

But can that group of highly sensitive people take this criticism? Can they now acknowledge and accept such truths about their work? Would they alter their work for the sake of the sensitive public? Only time will tell and only the truth can withstand the pressure. But at the moment, the show still goes on - to the horror of parents and to the delight of the arty farty.

Thoughts from a little Monster in my Head Ep 3...

2007-06-19T17:04:00.000+08:00

It had a box for a head.
A glass screen for a face.
On one side of the box,
A hole was punched for its ears.
Its facial expressions were always programmed.
It was always fixed.
It had an incomplete digital processor for a brain.
Its creator forgot to put in the final pieces.
But it was always suspected that it was deliberate.
Because, if all the pieces of its brain were there,
It would be perfect.
And it knows, there is no such thing as being perfect or thinking perfectly.
Its body was weird.
It had thin arms, a huge belly and thick legs.
It had a chest that look like a pair of breasts.
But it had a penis.
It likes to eat alot.
Its body expands unnecessarily, easily and quickly.
And when this happens, it is compared with the others and commented by the rest.
And when this happens, it is depressed.
But looks and habits aside, it only can depend on one thing.
Its heart.
A heart that truly feels, beats and think in a mechanical and peculiar body.
And it's the heart that it keeps safely in a clear glass case on its left chest.
For all to see.
But for only one in which it gives and surrenders to.
Only one in which it is devoted to.
Only one that understands the mechanisms, intricacies and value of its heart.
And that only one is indeed present.
God-like no less.
It is always happy when it is with her.
And it never did change since then, till now and till then.
It is a forbidden and socially unacceptable relationship.
But it knows that it is true and real.
More true and real than it can ever imagine itself to be.

MQFW

2007-06-19T16:58:00.000+08:00

You'd be,
So perfect with me but you just,
Can't see,
You turn every head but you don't,
See me.

-taken from the song Strange and Beautiful (I'll Put a Spell On You) from the album Strange and Beautiful by Aqualung.

MQFW

2007-06-19T16:08:00.000+08:00

The only thing that's worse than one is none.

-taken from the song In Between from the album Minutes to Midnight by Linkin Park.

MQFW

2007-06-19T16:02:00.000+08:00

And you can laugh,
Your spineless laugh,
We hope your reason and wisdom choke you,
And now,
We are one,
In everlasting peace.
We hope,
That you choke,
That you choke...

-taken from the song Exit Music [For A Film] from the album OK Computer by Radiohead

MQFW

2007-06-19T15:58:00.000+08:00

This machine will,
Will not communicate,
These thoughts and the strain I am under.

- taken from the song Street Spirit [Fade Out] from the album The Bends by Radiohead

Check Out This Article from the The RJ Occasional !

2007-06-15T17:41:00.000+08:00

CULT SERIES GETS A RUDE SHOCK AND AN ABRUPT STOP

- Reported by Riconstin Jaksten

M.R Productions, a subsidiary and an entertainment arm of kid you not Pte Ltd, has issued an apology at a private conference held at R.M Hotel to a handful of audiences for making an error on their latest reality comedy cult series entitled 'The Guy that works at The Record Store'. The error was in the form of an announcement stating that the series was the '..second last episode of Season 1...' However, M.R Productions corrected and clarified the above statement to be the '...second last episode of the Final Season...' instead. This news came as a rude shock and exploded into cries of outrage from audiences worldwide.

Mr Rico Josty, spokesperson for M.R Productions, was there to offer the company's apologies and he was in attendance together with the Director and Producer of the series, Ms Milanger Ricop. Ms Milanger explained that the series had to come to an end after season one '...because of low viewership ratings, availability of plots and agreement constraints with the cast of the show...' But the company has future plans for the lead, or notoriously known as 'the record guy' in that series.

'The record guy' has apparently signed a two year contract for a new reality comedy series entitled 'That Guy in the Army'. The series is naturally and obviously about life in the army. It is also produced and directed by Ms Milanger. Ms Milanger however did not give further details on the new cast or the number of episodes and seasons the series will possibly entail. But it was announced that the first episode and season of the said series will premier probably around 27 July or later this year.

Another welcoming news for 'the record guy', and probably his fans, is that he will be playing the lead role in the murder-mystery-suspense-thriller movie called 'The Story of Mr Donny Dill'. 'He is a very flexible and versatile actor. I met him personally and I am more than impressed with his attitude and methodology in acting. It's been a blast having him on set and working with him has been a professional bliss.' And so it was said by Mr M. Ric Jillerfer, an Award winning director for 'Two Hills' and 'The Pigs of Society'. 'He was perfect for the lead role and I think his dark humour and his harsh and witty personality also won him the hearts of many female fans!' laughed Mr Ric. When I asked 'the record guy' how he felt when he chosen for the part, he smiled and said 'I'm happy and I'll just stuff and f*** myself with oily food if I mess this opportunity!' The film is said to be released in the form of small scenes that will be accessible on the company's official kid you not website and it's official release date will be on 1 July 2007.

In addition, so as not to disappoint fans of 'The Record Guy that Works at the Record Store' , M.R Productions will invest $16.5 million (or approximately around 15 hours per week) in the excavation of '...ancient episodes...'. Part of that amount, around $8.6 million, was granted by the Ministry of MRJ Blog Creativity to finance this project seen as '...a potential search for a pure and raw art form...' Every find, whenever found, will be released on the company's official website as well. The episodes will thus be periodical and occasional.

Despite despairing news and dismal response, it is once again a bright and giggly future for the fans of 'the record guy'.

Thoughts from a little Monster in my Head Ep 2...

2007-06-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

I like technology.
And I hope that technology likes me too.
It brings me lots of conveniences.
It takes care of me.
It makes me happier.
It makes me fatter.
And I hope that technology is benefiting like I do.
I have no reason to be scared of it.
Because it is not scary.
I have no reason to be listening to it.
Because it is not my master or elder.
And I hope that technology continues to be what I want it to be.

Thoughts from a little Monster in my Head Ep 1...

2007-06-08T15:29:00.000+08:00

If only I could be invisible.
Then, I wouldn't have people looking at me.
I wouldn't have people trying to figure me out.
I wouldn't have people being judgmental about me.
I wouldn't have to keep or maintain anything.
This wish is very simple really.
But then it means that people can't see me.
And when people can't see me, I don't exist.
And when I don't exist, the things I do don't matter.

MQFW

2007-06-06T15:07:00.000+08:00

I'm not here.
This really isn't happening.

-taken from the song How To Disappear Completely by Radiohead from the album Kid A

Question of the Day for Me

2007-06-06T15:00:00.000+08:00

How does someone else measure another person's intelligence? Through Paper? Aptitude? Attitude? Personality? Character? Something else? Or none of the above?

MQFW

2007-06-04T16:36:00.000+08:00

We are accidents.
Waiting.
Waiting.
To happen.

- taken from the song There There by Radiohead in the album Hail to the Thief.

MQFW

2007-06-04T16:33:00.000+08:00

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince the world that he doesn't exist.

- said Verbal Kint played by Kevin Spacey in the movie The Usual Suspects.

the guy that works at the record store...episode 9 (2nd last episode of the Final Season)

2007-06-04T15:45:00.000+08:00

Experiences were scarce but it was nonetheless entertaining, and emotionally excruciating, for the record guy when such instances were encountered. This one makes Twilight Zone look like Disneyland...

Imagine a quiet room.

A room too quiet that you can hear a pin drop.

But it is not exactly silent.

You can hear faint voices singing in the background.

You can hear instruments playing its slow and morose scores.

The tempo and rhythm-bleak and morbid.

A sudden burst of sound came from the outside and you sigh in relief knowing that your hearing has not been impaired yet.

Everyone else in the room walks elegantly.

They don't talk. They never talk.

The only sound coming from them is the creaking of the wooden floor created from their footwear.

They communicate through cold ways: speaking with their eyes.

Your greetings echoes back through rigid and fierce nods from them.

Your smiles fade when you look at their blank faces.

After such an emotional void devours your beating heart, they are gone.

But their aura lingers around - keeping you company in that room.

Keeping you in that room.

You cannot escape because someone has to be the host.

Because there are guests.

Because you have been selected as the host.

Someone else was suppose to be there instead of you.

Until it was confessed that you were the one that was suppose to rescue that someone else.

Now nobody wants to take your place.

Nobody wants to rescue you.

Most of all, nobody wants to be in that room.

And it's going to take all day.

Time is not your ally at this moment.

You feel your ears and skin slowly decay.

Your brain electrocutes itself.

Headache.

Then migraine.

Followed by nausea.

Finally phobia.

But you could only imagine.

The record guy was actually there.

In that room.

Alone.

All alone.

Till his time ends.

At the Classical and Jazz Room.

MQFW

2007-05-13T16:59:00.000+08:00

The distinguishing mark of a Man is the hand, the instrument with which he does all his mischief.

- said Snowball, one of the pigs in George Orwell's Animal Farm

MQFW

2007-05-13T16:57:00.000+08:00

Till I finally cried
Which started the whole world laughing
Oh, but I didn't see
That the joke was on me

-from the song I Started A Joke by the Bee Gees

MQFW

2007-05-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

It's so damn hot!
Milk was a bad...choice!

-said Will Ferrell playing as Ron Burgundy in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

the guy that works at the record store...episode 8

2007-05-13T16:42:00.000+08:00

(Tonight on: Who's the weirdest of them all?!)

(We have contestants who got lost...)

Customer: Where am I?

Record Guy: At the record store.

Customer: Really?

(Contestants who...lose themselves?)

Customer: I'm not sure which one I like...uh..which one do you think I like?

(Contestants who asked for directions...)

Customer: I'm outside your record store but where is it?

(And contestants who refuse to accept directions...)

Customer: Do you know where's the nearest shop that sells musical instruments?

Record Guy: It's in the shopping centre just down the road.

Customer: I don't think so. Thanks anyway.

(So get ready to see the weird...)

Customer: Is U2 now called Linkin Park?

(The strange...)

Customer: Do you guys sell pirated stuff at the record store? If not, can you bring it in for me?

(And the plain scary...)

Customer: Can I have another plastic bag please? It's for my dog.

(So if there's one thing we learn, it is to tell you life's simple truth...)

Customer: Why you make things so complicate?! I don't like complicate things! I can't know what you are talking about everytime!

(Right here on: Who's the weirdest of them all?!)

the guy that works at the record store...episode 7

2007-05-04T12:52:00.000+08:00

Looks like aliens do live among us.....

(The record guy is at the counter...daydreaming... feeling sleepy....and listening to the romantic and hypnotic sounds of Lifehouse...wishing that he was with someone...then a motherf*cker showed up wanting to pay for something...asshole...)

Record Guy: Excuse me, do you have your IC with you? I need to check because the Avril Lavigne cd you are buying is NC16.

Customer:........(smiling)

Record Guy: Sir, I need to see some form of identification.

Customer:.....(still smiling)

Record Guy: Sir, do you hear me? Do you know what I am talking about? You. Need. To. Be. 16.

Customer:.....(smiles and shakes his head)

Record Guy: My goodness....do you speak or understand English?

Customer:......(Shakes his head and gave the signal that he didnt understand the language)

Record Guy: Nevermind....that will be $38.90.

(Oh yeah, the two cds that he bought contained songs that were all sung in English. The songs are written in English. The artistes speaks English and they come from countries that practices English as their first language. Now, what's the purpose of those cds again?)

Hmmm.....?

MQFW

2007-05-04T12:31:00.000+08:00

Go and tell the king
That the sky is falling in
When it's not
Maybe not

- taken from the song 2+2=5 on the album Hail to the Thief by Radiohead

MQFW

2007-05-04T11:27:00.000+08:00

Spongebob: But Mr Krabbs, the kids have been waiting all day to see Krabby the Clown. I cant hold them any longer....

Mr Krabbs: Just hold them back! And make sure they buy those Krabby Patties! I'll be counting me money first before they see Krabby the Clown!

- taken from Nick's Spongebob Squarepants

Have you ever wondered where these people are going?... Part 1

2007-05-04T10:38:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered where these people are going?
It's too early but these people are out
It's so early and you are going to work
Yet they dont seem the type

They dont dress up like any salesgirl
It does not seem like they are hospitable
They dont smell like any of those corporate types
Yet they are going to work with you

They look like they didnt bathe
They try to act busy and important
They carry little and insignificant stuff with them
Yet you wonder why in the world they have your seat

They sleep and stone
They chat and mingle amongst their own
And when you hear a familiar tune, its their phone
Yet you have this feeling that they have no purpose there

They get frustrated when you bump into them
They get agitated when you accidentally stepped on their foot
They give you a certain kind of look when you are too near them
Yet they are there with you

They look fresh and alert
They are too aware of their surroundings
They are not oblivious
Yet they pretend to be tired and weary

And when it's time to go back home, they are there
Similar not the same
And it starts all over again

You have to wonder: Where are these people going?

Copyright of kid you not

MQFW (Memorable Quotes From Wherever)

2007-05-03T22:17:00.000+08:00

Kumar: What's wrong with you?! You could have asked her if she wanted to come along with us! You know, you're worthless.

Harold: No. I am just not worthwhile.

- taken from the movie Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle

Memorable Quotes From Wherever (MQFW)

2007-05-01T21:38:00.000+08:00

Father: Dont you want to become a lawyer?

Son: Of course not. Nobody wants to become a lawyer. Thats why they are paid so much.

- taken from the movie Thicker Than Blood

the guy that works at the record store...episode 6

2007-04-25T21:08:00.000+08:00

After this, even Michael Scofield would want to devise a plan to save the guy that works at the record store....

(Oh you know how it all starts...)

Customer: Can you help me check something?

Record Guy: Yeah sure!

Customer: Do you have Fall Out Boy singles?

Record Guy: Let me check.....uh,nope.

Customer: How about MCR singles?

Record Guy: Mmmm...out of stock.

Customer: Ok, wait let me write some more.

(So the customer took out an A4 sized piece of paper and began jotting down 18 band names. Yes people. 18. Not 1, not 2, not even a merciful 5. But 18! Dear god, what sins have the record guy committed that deserves such a punishment?)

Customer: Can you check for me whether all these bands have singles?

(All? Did he just say all ? So the record guy obliged and painstakingly searched one...by one...by one....by one and the answers were all the same: No. Out of stock. No longer in production. But no... it didnt stop there...As long as there is man, Satan is always nearby.)

Customer: Can you check all of them again? You know, double confirm?

(KNNCCB.....echoed the inner voice of the record guy)

Customer: Something wrong with your database ah? Why everytime dont have?

Record Guy: Because there's no demand for it.

Customer: But I want.

Record Guy: Then its only you. You speak for yourself.

Customer: Can I order it?

Record Guy: Dude, why dont you just get the album? We have all the albums of the bands that you are looking for.

Customer: It's not exclusive.

Record Guy: Then fine. You can order it but there's no guarantee that it will arrive.

Customer: Dont you guys know?

Record Guy: No. We dont. We are the middle man not the manufacturer, the producer or the supplier.

Customer: Nevermind. I still want to order.

Record Guy: Dont tell me all 18.

Customer: Can check again for me. I want to choose which one to order.

(So the record guy checked...again...and he ended up wanting 6 of the titles that were searched.)

Record Guy: You have to pay a deposit. $60 in total.

Customer: So much! Why?

Record Guy: Because it's alot of cds.

(With the help of a good samaritan, one of record guy's colleague did the orders.)

Customer: When it arrives, then what happens?

Record Guy: IF it comes, we will call you.

Customer: Shall I call you?

Record Guy: No you shall not. We will call you. Do not call us. Never ever do that.

Customer: Oh ok...

(Oh yeah, just for the record, this whole ordeal lasted about 45 minutes. In real time of course.)

Hmmm....?!

Poor Poor Fans of Avril....

2007-04-25T15:30:00.000+08:00

Now if you didnt know angsty Avril had just turned...how shall I put it....happy, contented and cheery- then lucky you! Her latest album entitled 'the best damn thing ever' proves the latter statement in just about every way. Her album is simply so inane that your ears will 'bleed' upon the second spin. Her new 'bubblegum' approach to song writing will make your eyes roll over twice whenever you hear her scream 'Hey Hey You You, I wanna be your girlfriend!'.

Yes, this is what happens when an angry person finally discovers that there's more to life than just being angry and unhappy all the time. Things like marriage (She's married you know, to this Sum 41 guy I think. Honestly, I didnt know and I didnt care to know.) and the sudden need to dance your heart out, will soften that meanie in you. With a much more mature vocabulary (not necessarily attitude) being used in the album, it often sounds like a child trying to scream out for recognition.

Most artistes grew up through the ages. Usually, this was reflected through the music they made. But for Avril's case, this was not so. Suddenly, with one wave of the wand, she turned much younger! Too young perhaps. And because of this jarring transformation, her fan base somewhat shifted as well. And yes, you have guessed it! The fans have become younger!

But these fans are in for a treat. Her cds, the ones that include her dvd as well, can only be bought by those who are 16 and above! So poor 'pre-puberty' kids had to be turned down by 'that mean guy at the record store'. So, you have an album that predominantly caters to a younger audience but this particular group are unable to see you perform on dvd? Does this extend to live performances as well Avril? What.The.Hell. I wonder what she does on that dvd.... hmm? Dare we think dirty thoughts? No, we cant because its for the young! Profanity maybe? Highly likely so. Thus, you have to be 16 and above to be all 'bubblegummy' and vulgar it seems. And dont you dare link this discussion, in some way or another, to freedom of speech.

It's an idiotic dilemma for Avril. To attract the young and not being able to entertain them after that. There's only one way to describe her: She's like soooo whatever!

the guy that works at the record store...episode 5

2007-04-17T21:11:00.000+08:00

After this episode, the record guy could just feel his heart crying...sighing *haiz...*...and crumbling...

(A guy walked into the store and he seemed like a foreigner...the record guy could just foresee that this foreign guy is going to give him trouble or worst - trauma.)

Customer: Do you like Taylor Hicks?

Record Guy: He's not a bad singer. Cool and eccentric. Have not listened to his album though.

Customer: I like him.

Record Guy: That's great for you then!

Customer: Where can I see him?

Record Guy: Im sorry?

Customer: I want to see him, where is he at?

Record Guy: You mean the person? The actual person?

Customer: Yes!

Record Guy: Sorry Sir, but he's not here. He's not even here in Singapore.

Customer: How can he not be here?!

Record Guy: Because no event organiser in Singapore invited him?

Customer: But why? You guys are such a huge record store!

Record Guy: Im not sure. Maybe he's too expensive to come over for a concert.

Customer: Concert? No no no no noo...I mean the music! The person's.... cd! Yes!

Record Guy: Oh. Second floor.

Hmmmm......?

the guy that works at the record store...episode 4

2007-04-11T17:24:00.000+08:00

(A customer walks into the store and the record guy watches him suspiciously as he slowly approaches the counter....smiling....)

Record Guy: Hi....

Customer: Hi!

Record Guy: Uh...may I help you with something?

Customer: Is this the information counter?

Record Guy: No, it is not.

Customer: Oh! So where do I ask for information on a particular item?

Record Guy: Right here. But this is the cashier area not the information counter. I am a Sales Associate. By me providing information, it is just something additional.

Customer: So you are not a Receptionist?

Record Guy: Nope.

Customer: So where do I find the Receptionist?

Record Guy: There isnt any.

Customer: So where do I go?

Record Guy: Just ask me.

Customer: Oh ok then. Do you know if you have this cd called 'The Dancing Wolves'?

Record Guy: Let me check.

(As he types the title of the cd into the computer database to search, the record guy is glad that they do not have any in stock)

Record Guy: It is out of stock.

Customer: Oh. Do you know if they have it in Malaysia?

Record Guy: No I dont.

Customer: Why not?

Record Guy: Because I dont live in Malaysia and I dont work in a shop that sells cds in Malaysia.

Customer: Oh really?! How about Japan or Australia?

Record Guy: Same explanation Sir...

Customer: Cant you guys search the entire globe for shops that sell such a cd?

Record Guy: No, we cant. We are situated in Singapore and we can only tell you the availability of stocks in Singapore and nowhere else. We are a music store Sir, not a research laboratory.

Customer: Oh...I see. But when the cd comes into this asian region, do let me know. Even if it has launched in other countries first before Singapore ok? Here's my contact and details.

Record Guy: Su....re...

Hmmm......?

the secondary and post-secondary education system in Singapore: first class, falling or flawed?

2007-04-11T10:41:00.000+08:00

This subject has been debated over quite a number of times and at certain points, the Ministry has responded by either implementing a new syllabus, restructuring the roles of the education officers, restructuring the standards of institutions of education or restructuring the payment schemes of students. Yes, the Ministry has done alot and indeed, some of the reforms that it has carried out were commendable. This includes helping needy students to cope with school fees, constantly revising the teaching materials that are already available to the students and expanding polytechnic courses so that they are 'industry-relevant'. However, the times are changing, the number of teachers in the system are dwindling and the mindset of students are evolving. Is it time for the Ministry to respond once more to the ever-changing landscape of education? More importantly, can the teachers withstand the Ministry's pressure and do the students have the will and discipline to meet such educational expectations?

At the secondary education level, teachers are struggling to reach out to the students. Students on the other hand are easily bored with what they are learning in the classroom. Hence, education falls on deaf ears. But the problem does not end here. Teachers are constantly being pressurized by their Head of Departments and their Principals to up the standards of their school and they in turn are pressurized by the highly competitive environment that the Ministry has created. Furthermore, being teachers these days is no walk in the park. Their job scope these days encompasses from being an administration manager to a therapist and from being an event organizer to crowd control. Students are also trying to find a place in this 'book smart' system. They crave for freedom and flexibility. They yearn for expression and individualism. They are stuck in an environment where creativity is hardly appreciated and where one's worth is determined by their academic standards. So, how do they on the other hand respond? The teachers leave the system and the students, like most teenagers, retaliate through ill behaviour in and out of the classroom. In my opinion, this is indeed unhealthy for the system. How are we going to educate and progress when the gears constantly needs to be replaced and oiled, and its products lack in social and ethical quality and responsibilty?

At post-secondary education level, the Ministry has clearly established a sense of academic hierarchy. It is true that the Ministry is trying to help students of varying academic capabilities and thus, giving opportunities for all to succeed and find a good place in the working world. However, with this classification of the student's prowess in the world of academia brings about another problem: stereotyping. In the eyes of the Singapore society, if you do not make it to a Junior College, you have to settle for second best, which are the Polytechnics. If you still cannot make it to the latter, then it is the dumping zone for you, which are the ITEs or Institute of Technical Education. Why does the society, including the students, parents and even our very own education officers, view the education system in such a way?

In my opinion, it all boils down to the amount of emphasis and attention that the Ministry gives to students who can make it to the top tier of the system. The odds of a Polytechnic or an ITE graduate entering local university is almost as slim as the latest handphone. The reasons given by the local universities include syllabus differences and the level and depth of the academic skills acquired during the term of their study. So it then follows that success stories of Polytechnic or ITE graduates entering into local universities are seen as exemplary, newsworthy and 'against all odds'. Are students of Junior Colleges that superior? Or did we perceive it to be that way? Recent surveys and articles show starting salaries of Polytechnic and ITE graduates gradually increasing. This implies that the work standards expected out of these graduates also increases. This also means that Polytechnics and ITEs need to keep up with the expectations of the relevant industries- be it in terms of syllabus or work ethics. But knowing that Polytechnic and ITE education is industry specific, would it account for nothing in the eyes of local universities compared to those holding an A-level certificate? Wouldnt these students have a better say in what truly aspires them or what they are passionate about when it comes to pursuing their further studies?

In addition, there is an evolution of mentality in today's youth. Students prefer to go to Polytechnics or ITEs so that they could escape the stress that is notoriously associated with the Junior College system. A handful of them have matured and know early in life their intended career path and wish to pursue it through specific courses available in the various Polytechnics or ITEs. And these students are not just or limited to your ordinary O level hopefuls but your top students scoring an outstanding single digit in their main examinations! It is also worth noting that certain courses in the Polytechnics and ITEs require very good or if not, outstanding grades at O levels upon entry! Some examples would include a Diploma in Hospitality, a Diploma in Communication and Mass Media, a Diploma in Biotechnology, a Diploma in Law and some Higher Nitec courses. This is not a sign of a trend but of a shift.

So that leaves us with certain questions. Can and will the Ministry respond to such changes? Should it even do so? If it does, it is necessary and can the people affected by it cope with such changes? Can there be a shift in the way our society view our education system? Can there be a balance between maintaing the need for different educational qualifications and the need for meritocracy and equality? Where does the problem actually lie? Is it our teachers? Students? Parents? Or dare we question the viability of the Ministry's education policies?

A couple of things are for sure. The teachers are tired. The students are restless. The Polytechnics and ITEs are catching up and fighting for recognition equal to that of their Junior College counterparts. The local universities are harder to get into these days for the locals. It is the Ministry who has a major educational influence and impact on Singapore's society. And the Ministry is still stuck in the mentality of the old world and struggling to understand the idiosyncracies of today's youth. It is time for change you say? I say 'What kind of change?'.

the guy that works at the record store...episode 3

2007-04-10T14:35:00.000+08:00

It is just a matter of time before the record guy knocks himself unconscious with the receiver of the telephone...

(The phone at the counter rings and unfortunately the record guy was around)

Record Guy: Good morning, this is 'The Record Store'. How may I help you?

Customer: Is this 'The Record Store'?

Record Guy: I have just said that it is.

Customer: Oh...Eh, you know ah, the other time I bought a cd and then I got already my friend gave it to me for my birthday you know!

Record Guy: Oh, then Happy Birthday to you then Madam.

Customer: Thank you thank you. It was last week organized party and all but anyway my friend gave me the cd that he bought from your shop lah. I have then how?!

Record Guy: Then you can exchange it for something else. Just bring the cd over and pick something else. If you pick something that is lower in value, we wont be able to refund you the difference. If you pick something that is higher in value, you would have to pay the difference.

Customer: But I got no receipt leh!

Record Guy: Of course you dont Madam. That cd was given to you as a gift for your birthday.

Customer: Will you be there?

Record Guy: Where?

Customer: At the shop. Today and tomorrow.

Record Guy: I am working today till 7pm but off tomorrow.

Customer: But I need to see you. I am scared they will not let me exchange!

Record Guy: Of course they would Madam, its company policy.

Customer: I am leaving the country soon and that is why they celebrated my birthday first before I go. Can I show you my passport when I go there?

Record Guy: Its not necessary Madam, we are not Immigration. Just come down and I promise you that they will exchange it for you.

Customer: Sure ah?

Record Guy: Yes Madam, I promise.

Customer: Yeah! Thank you thank you! Pray for me that I will have a safe flight!

Record Guy: Of course. May God be with you. Bye Bye....

Hmmmmm......?

Album Review: OK Computer by Radiohead

2007-04-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

These are the kind of entries that I am going to make, that is, doing a review on selected albums. At the same time, sharing a point or two on what makes or breakes an album. Haiz...kids these days do not even know whether the album that they recently bought would truly justify the $20 that they had painstakingly saved up!

Yes, this album has been around since the early 90s and reviewing it would be as if I have been living under a rock all along. As a matter of fact, when I first listened to this album, I wished that I was born much earlier because when Radiohead came into the the alternative-experimental rock scene with this album, my baby brain was not yet capable of comprehending the depth and intricacies of the band and their music.

Kids, this is deep stuff. Upon first listen, it might catch you off guard with its queer but orderly music arrangement. However, after subsequent plays, the music will sink into your musical tastebuds and forever anchor itself there. After achieving such a revelation, the music from other alternative rock bands will seem rather bland in substance.

This band writes and tackles issues in a totally different perspective. They are not your lovey dovey band who constantly cries out "Why did you leave me?!" and "I am gonna swim a thousand miles just for you!" In this album, they tackle issues such as loneliness through wishing that they were instead abducted by aliens and fear through hammering in you disturbing and eerie psychological ideas of what it means to have 'mental company'.

Tracks like 'Paranoid Android' lets you visualize what it's like to have multiple images in your head at the same time while 'Let Down' facilitates one of your 'off' days at work. A track entitled 'Exit Music (For a Film)' is a tribute to William Shakesphere's Romeo & Juliet where love is described as something that is ultimately and conclusively tragic and cruel.

Music which complements their lyrics as well as creating an ambience that suits the theme of the song makes this album a must have for any music lover. This album exist as single entity which makes the whole album worth the listen every time.

So kids, stop listening to those ads on tv. Cut down on those Macdonalds lunch trips and start taking those Brands health supplements because this album is going to take awhile for you to digest. It's time to grow up kids and see what it's really like to face the music.

the guy that works at the record store...episode 2

2007-04-06T22:41:00.000+08:00

Once again, substantially copy any of my material and I'll sue you...

(A customer strolls into the store and approaches the counter)

Customer: Do you know that song?

Record Guy: Excuse me, what?

Customer: Huh? What?

Record Guy: You asked me whether if I knew a song, what is that song?

Customer: Yah, and that's what Im asking you.

Record Guy: So the song is called 'that song'?

Customer: No, I dont think so. But Im asking you if you know it.

Record Guy: What song? Which song? Can you give me the title of the song please?!

Customer: I dont know.

Record Guy: What about the artiste?

Customer: Dont know.

Record Guy: The name of the album?

Customer: Nope.

Record Guy: The genre of music that the artiste specializes in?

Customer: I think it's rock, jazz and a bit of classical sometimes.

Record Guy: *Geez..like that was helpful* Is the song sung by a he or a she?

Customer: Not to sure...

Record Guy: Sir, where did you this song from?

Customer: Oh, from the clothes shop next door. They were playing it. I thought you knew it.

Hmmm.....?

the prospect of the F1 race coming to Singapore...

2007-04-06T20:28:00.000+08:00

Now...this is something new and innovative! Rather than question the potential on the amount of revenue and publicity that Singapore might receive once it has been set in stone that the F1 is coming to Singapore, let us test the practicality of the race being conducted in our homeland which spans approximately 647 squarekm.

We will see tourism revenues rise as hardcore fans of F1 flock to Singapore to catch the race-be it the hospitality or retail sector. We will witness that once again Singapore is placed on the world's stage as the entire globe will have its eyes cast on us. We will also witness cars that would be allowed to travel around the CBD at speeds that the Traffic Police would confidently say that it is illegal and then revoke your license for years. Yes, this would be some of the advantages that awaits us when F1 sets its foot on this island. And these advantages are quite huge and beneficial for Singapore I would say...but to think that our roads-the ones located around the CBD including the roads near the Esplanade and Suntec City would be subjected to "bad ass nasty" Formula 1 speed!

In recent articles, the world's number 1 F1 driver gave a "thumbs up" for its proposed Singapore F1 track but that does not mean that its actually safe. Where are they going to establish the pit stops for the cars to change their tires? Are we able to accomodate the spectators and the guy that waves the checkered flag? Are we able to foresee any cars crashing into any of our iconic city structures such as the Fountain of Wealth? And if the roads around the stated area will be closed for a certain period of time, it basically means that you will have to wake up extra early so that you will reach work on time as 700, 190 and other buses will take a long detour. And does our proposed race track actually qualifies as a "race track"? Next thing you know the F1 cars will be racing down the streets of Little India, to PIE or ECP or whichever highway and then to Tampines before hitting Changi and our HDB homes can double up as spectator stands as the F1 cars buzzes past...

the guy that works at the record store...episode 1

2007-04-04T16:33:00.000+08:00

This is a new comedy series in which I created. If you were to give me $100,000, I would create a television series out of it. It illustrates the competency of customers in asking questions. Questions that are quite simple in nature but delivered in a complex manner. Sad to say, the average IQ level of the nation is much lower than expected. And this calls for reform! Mental reform that is...Sometimes, it's also worth wondering who is at fault in the situations illustrated and why the record guy does not quit or even try to choke himself with the cds that are "oh so" abundant! Copy any of my material and I'll sue you...

(A customer walks into the store and looked rather lost)
Customer: Where are your cds?

Record Guy: Well, its all around really. Thats what we specialise in.

(By this time, he got really angry.)
Customer: No! I want to know where your cds are?! The one you listen to!

Record Guy: Audio cds huh? Well its all around. There's some on the 1st floor and some on the 2nd and 3rd floor. What are you looking for actually?

Customer: I told you already! I want cds! Cds you listen to!

Record Guy: I understand. But what type? Rock, dance, jazz, classical? Movies even? Different genres of music are classified at different floors.

Customer: Urghhh!!!! (He soon walks away frustrated, giving the record guy a look which clearly indicates that he's the dumb party to the conversation)

Hmmmm.......?

its just my commentary

2007-04-04T10:59:00.000+08:00

My oh my....finally hibernation season for me is over. I didnt have a blog. Knew about it but didnt even care to create one. Kept asking the inevitable question of "What's the point?". And yes, it has always been a hot issue when the "point" one tries to make relates to the ongoing fight for freedom of speech. Well, i'm not fighting for or writing about anything that relates to or that will evolve into the latter topic, rather i'm in pursuit of a more selfish objective. Anyway, the fight for freedom of speech has always been futile in Singapore. So, following that thread is "point"less.

I believe in intention - that everything was created for a purpose. And no, as much as you would like to conclude that the latter statement does carry a religious intonation to it, Im neither here to preach nor comment on anything religious. That, once again is not my "point". In my opinion, the blog was created for the purposes of technological amusement - like that of its technological counterparts such as the MP3 player, the dvd player, the computer and the game consoles. Yes, these are huge and serious inventions known to modern society but at the end of the day, amusement is its very purpose.

So, with amusement hovering around in my head when I created this blog, this has to be part of my intention and part of my answer to my question. Amusement that can be achieved through the telling of stories of the people Ive met and through highlighting their idiosyncracies. Raising awareness on global issues seems like a good idea too... And through these efforts of me sharing my 2cents worth, I hope to be famous by giving the readers the impression that Im witty, smart and provocative. Well, that's the whole "point" isnt it?

I cant start a business because its hard for me to raise a strong capital, I have delusions that my hobbies are my talents and if you ask me which alphabet comes after "k", I would most definitely have to recite the entire alphabet before giving you an answer. So creating a blog using only my brain as my capital and tapping on my talent for writing, I can satisfy my or even your insatiable need for amusement. Geez...all this to be famous huh? Didnt know that it would be this hard...